Before Sunset

I just watched 'Before Sunset' again. I love that film. I think I do still like it better than the first one. They're older, not so idealistic, so maybe it seems more realistic. And even more poignant, because now, second time round, you know they mustn't let the other get away, so throughout you sit holding your breath, waiting to see whether they do end up just talking again, just making the brief connection, or whether this time they really seize the moment and are prepared to risk allowing the connection to be permanent. I didn't realise how profoundly it had affected me, how many little bits of it have kept playing on in my subconscious since I saw it the first time round. And it's so subtle, like with the first one, the emotion is portrayed with just a glance or a gesture. A hand reaching out to touch the other but pulled back at the last moment, a look of longing or sadness, an angry outburst that you know is misdirected, but genuine nonetheless. It's harder to be as cynical about this one than it is about the first because they themselves aren't so naive, so even jaded people who don't believe true love happens outside of the movies, but still deep inside wish that the happy endings could be true if only life didn't get in the way, can find something to identify with.

Failures and the clammy hand of fate

Today I managed to go for a four hour lunch. Can you tell my friend has spent the year in Paris?? Failed to acquire the necessary underwear to go with the dress i want to wear to my friends party. Also failed to do all the other errands I had listed, due to aforementioned four hour lunch. I did however go kick boxing, and watch big brother. I also attempted to book flights to jersey, but was thwarted by a malfunctioning website. I then proceeded to tease Marc, telling him that if i couldn't book them it would mean that fate was telling me not to go. I think he believed me as well...

'Friends' reunited

Hmm... there are some friends you stay in touch with, and there are some you don't, and there are definitely reasons for both. Saw some of those that I hadn't seen for a while at my friend Leona's leaving do (she's off to France for the year). Maybe I just wasn't feeling sociable enough, but I just couldn't be bothered with the whole small talk.

'How are you doing? What have you been up to? What are you going to do now you've finished?'

Well you know, if I really cared it probably wouldn't have been 3 years since we last spoke. However, social mores require that we jump through the hoops and try to look interested. And then there is the little competitive undercurrent and it just feels oh so like school again, but hell, I've moved on, or at least I would like to think I have.

The funniest one of those happened a couple of weeks ago. I saw a few girls from my old school in town so said hi to them. With them was Lilu (Lucy Liu, did E&M at Merton for anyone who might know her). Although I have seen her around in Oxford, she usually pretends that she doesn't recognise me/hasn't seen me. She hardly even bothered with the compulsory 'how are you', but cut straight to the chase 'What are you doing now you've finished?' She's going off to one of the banks, earning, as Kathryn informed me tonight, £35k a year (I just nodded when she told me), so was probably feeling quite pleased with herself.

'I've deferred my job and I'm taking a gap year.'

'Oh really. What will you be doing?'

'Management consulting.'

'Where?'

'*Top three firm*.'

Little comment to that. Smugness perhaps diminished slightly by the knowledge that I've got a job at one of the top firms in an industry just as competitive as her's, earning about the same as her, but working rather fewer hours.

On the other hand, in a sociological experiment kind of way, it can be sort of nice to see people you used to know. Nikkisha has straightened her hair, slimmed down a bit and suddenly looks quite attractive and grown up if rather sombre in her big black pashmina/shroud. Her mannerisms are still exactly the same though, and she still says 'like' at least once per sentence.
Sorry if this post is a bit bitchy, but sometimes I just can't be doing with the whole fakery of it all. Or maybe I was just pissed at having to miss the final of big brother - who needs real friends when you can just watch them on TV instead??

***

For added comedy value you should've just heard the screech from my brother when a spider ran across his bed. To be fair, the spider is about as big as my fist, but still, why's he coming to me asking me to vacuum it up for him?? I refused to participate in spidercide any further than watching its movements lest it escape and plugging the vacuum cleaner in, before standing well back in case it was able to jump as well as scuttle. Vacuum on, he stood there leaning backwards and forwards, preparing to take aim. Finally, steeling himself, he lunges... and misses. 'Umi, the spiders still there.'

'No, I got it.'

'So why is the vacuum still on?'

'I'm leaving it on to make sure its properly sucked up.'

'But Umi, you didn't get it.'

'Yes I did. Look!'

He fiddles with the sheet at the edge of his bed then jumps back in horror.

'Bumpaklaat! The spider deh not sucked up!'

Afraid to take a second attempt he implores my father to deal with it. Dad, unwilling to get up, fobs him off with the old chestnut 'a spider won't bite you'.

He tries me again 'Aisha, you get it. You're older than me, you need to learn how to deal with these things'.

Finally, my mum, awakened by the drama, arrives. My brother retreats to the bathroom, muttering that he might have to sleep at Kemo's if the spider isn't removed. 'I'm just not comfortable with sleeping in my bed with that spider running across it.' Fair enough Umi, according to Steven Pinker in 'How the Mind Works' along with snakes, people are universally scared of spiders. My mum, I guess from growing up in the country back in Jamaica with real bugs and snakes and lizards and everything, is fortunately a bit less squeamish than the rest of us and casually picks the spider up in my brother's beanie hat and deposits it outside. Problem solved.

It's a rich man's world

It's amazing how easy it is to spend money. By the end of the day I'll have spent over £100, which kind of undermines my budgeting and trying to save. Thankfully I managed to solve my underwear issues, despite being traumatised by the slim range of choice in my size. It's discrimination I say - us small girls need bras too! Just cos we're little doesn't mean that they hold themselves up! Thanks those of you who made suggestions, unfortunately commando wouldn't really work with this dress. Bras have now joined trousers on my list of Things i Don't Like Shopping For. This is why I have so many accessories, at least shoes fit me and it doesn't matter what size a bag is. Then, seduced by all the pretty colours and sparkle, and rather helped along by the oh-so-helpful sales assistant who after I explained that I wanted a gold eyeshadow progressed to make up my whole face, cunningly making sure to use a couple of essential brushes in the process, I also managed to spend a shocking amount of money on make-up. Well... most of it was spent on those two, as I said, essential brushes, an artist requires good tools you know! So yes, looking forward to Charl's party. Although, as Manisha said, it is a shame that so many of the girls are away. Still, I am sure that the rest of us will be able to party the night away without them.

(And the rest of the money was spent on flights to Jersey, in case you were wondering).

Bonnie Scotland

It really is beautiful here. It's definitely one of the two most beautiful places I have been too, the other is the Nile, particularly around Aswan. I love how untouched it is. Yesterday I walked out along a pipe thing towards the sea. Standing looking out, you see nothing human. Above the sea the wheeling seagulls effortlessly ridethe air currents. The skies are so wide, burnished gold and pink whenthe sun sets. At times the clouds open and light streams through thegaps,creating almost palpable columns reaching down to the sea. Thehorizon stretches out as far as you can see, curving around you, and perpetrating the myth that the world is flat. The sea itself sparkles in the light, changing colour from a bright aquamarine to a deep inkyshade of blue-black. The rocks are spectacular: craggy hulks risingout of the sea. They look like petrified trees, cut into ridges. Those that have been smoothed by the waves are black and shiny, curved into almost living shapes. It's not particularly warm, and it is showery, but I don't think you would go to Scotland for a week in the sun. If you wanted awe inspiring views and breathtaking scenery though, I have certainly never visited anywhere more fitting.